happiness

This is a personal blog post, so be kind. I don't really know why I'm writing it, maybe to get my thoughts organized, maybe because others may think about this and it may help. In any case, I wanted to just write my thoughts.

So, I've always wondered about happiness. What make a person happy? Is it money? Are you born happy? Is it a career or kids? A big family? Travelling? Being comfortable with yourself?

A couple years ago, I was struggling with my happiness. I think it was a combination of baby blues, being bored, having such a new lifestyle of being home with a child instead of working and it was about the time that I would have graduated from University, had I not quit. It was a hard time and I really didn't know what made me happy. Then one day, I had lunch with a few of my old friends from high school. In the past, sometimes I would meet with them and feel jealous they were free to do what they wanted. They were travelling the world, going to school, making money and being young and free. It kinda made me sad I was stuck at home with a child, even though I loved Kennedy, I wanted to go back to school. I felt so JUDGED by the world. That I wasn't enough, because I had no degree. Only one child that I stayed home with. I actually had someone tell me "it was kind of lazy".

Then at this particular lunch with these friends, I realized I was HAPPY. That's when I discovered that happiness is a choice. It was like the biggest "a-ha" moment. Its a choice to be happy with where you are in life, where you live, and all the life circumstances you have. No one has it perfect and I think we are prone to always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. I have friends who are single who LONG to be married with kids, and I have married friends who have thought they made a mistake and some have left their husbands and kids. I'm not judging anyone, because I don't know whats in their heads or what it is they want. But, for ME, I realized I had to be happy with what I was. Who I am. A poor student's wife, with 2 jobs to try to support the family, then one child, and a wife, daughter and sister that I could be proud of. I wanted to be the best ME. Simple as that.

Lately, I've been thinking about it again. Ever since realizing that day, that I was happy with who I was, I've been even happier. I like being a mom. I like being a wife and I love discovering my new talents and hobbies. I have friends I love that make me happy. I have the best family and "in-law" family I could possibly ask for. My sisters/sisterinlaws are some of my very best friends that I love to hang out with because we support each other and we LAUGH like crazy. I have parents that love me like nothing else. I see people who just don't look happy, and I understand because I honestly used to be there. Of course, I still want things. Material things. Non-material things (like living next to some of my close friends and Kennedy getting some friends that live close), but overall, where I am is good.

I wonder where my life will be in 5 years. What I do know is I have the best 2 girls I could ever hope for and an amazing husband that loves me like crazy. My situation may not be ideal in a lot of areas, but I'd choose my life anyday. There's this parable thats like, if everyone threw their problems in a hat and you could pick a new set of problems, you'd end up picking the ones you threw in. Its true.

You may be wondering why I chose to put this on the internet. Honestly, I'm not sure. I just know its been on my mind a lot. Its not just about that single day that I made this choice,Its always a choice. Everyday, I think there are a lot of problems that people have to deal with that could potentially make you miserable, but its up to the individual to decide how you deal with it.

I also think a lot of women, in particular, feel judged. That it isn't enough what we do. Whether we have a career or stay home with kids, or both, it often feels like we aren't enough because we don't do what Sally does. We never can know what its like to walk in someone else's shoes. Brian and I decided a long time ago, that we would forget what others thought and do what makes us happy. I like that. I like being happy. I like my life. and to me thats everything. I like being happy. :)